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| 07:43pm 13/04/2009 |
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Stanford: "You're the first on the waitlist, but we aren't hitting the waitlist." Bummer. I got the most apologetic rejection letter I've ever thought of receiving, all phrases like "you can't imagine how sorry I am" and "I hope to follow your career, even though it won't be here." Thank you, Ursula Heise. I guess.
CUNY: HERE HAVE MONEY ALSO LESS TEACHING. Not a bummer.
It is weird, weird, weird to be finally accepting a school offer. I've been angsting about this stuff, and looking for angles on writing my statement, talking schools into giving more funding, &c. &c. for well over two years now; v. strange to actually know where I'm going to be for the next n years. Though, since the few days down in San Francisco with Elmer basically completely switched my city crush from NYC to there... good lord, that place is beautiful -- I'm semi-idly kicking around the idea of trying to maneuver my way onto the adjunct teaching lists at Bay Area community colleges, just on the off chance that I could score summer teaching and thereby become one of those tremendously obnoxious people who splits time between NY and SF.
-- But, yeah, melancholy feeling, knowing that the frantic-maneuvering-to-trade-up-schools phase of my life is ended, or at least until such time as I'm on the actual job market. I sort of feel like I've developed some real skills in the field of "being a prospective grad student"; it'll take some time to remember how to be an actual grad student. Also, though, I'm sort of bummed that the only places that let me in this year were the places that let me in last year... though, um, I'm quite glad that those places let me in, thankyouverymuch. But definitely I got hung up on the idea of getting into better, or at least different, schools this time around than last time. Oh well. Maybe the U. of Toronto (for example) will be hiring when I hit the market, or somesuch. |
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| Waitlistin' |
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| 08:23am 05/03/2009 |
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I am essentially a mess over this waitlist situation.
To recap: the only solid offer I have is Davis. CUNY has let me in with an icy silence over funding; unless they come through with a fellowship, this means 10k/yr while teaching four classes a year. In NYC. Not feasible on anyone's planet. Stanford has waitlisted me, NYU has waitlisted me. Based on gradcafe listings, I am presuming negative results from everywhere else, with the faint possibility of an exception for the University of Toronto.
Given the state of the economy, I am not counting on any of the waitlist shots coming through. More people are trying to hide in grad school, just as schools are facing budget cuts.
What bothers me is if this had all gone down last year, if Davis had been my only option, I would have been pleased as punch. Hi, I'm Ben, and I have some regrets. |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| dreem diary content |
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| 09:42am 24/02/2009 |
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Last night I dreamed I was watching a nature documentary whereon the narrator explained why the only housecats left in the world are orange or black, those colors "conferring certain evolutionary advantages." |
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| WAITLIST DAY!!! |
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| 04:16pm 23/02/2009 |
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mood: Tom music: Waits for no man
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Waitlisted from Stanford. About which I'm sort of "well, it's an honor just to be nominated." Also waitlisted from NYU's English department, which is only fair -- I jerked them around last year, therefore, I get put on the people-to-jerk-around list. |
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| more news... |
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| 12:08pm 19/02/2009 |
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these are all postings from gradcafe. None of them are me.
New York University (NYU) Steinhardt Media, Culture, And Communication, PhD Wait listed via E-mail on 18 Feb 2009 A 18 Feb 2009 At the top of the short list. Movement is expected?
Brown University Moden Culture And Media, PhD Accepted via Phone on 9 Feb 2009 A 14 Feb 2009
Brown University Modern Culture & Media, PhD Accepted via Phone on 9 Feb 2009 A 11 Feb 2009
Brown University Modern Culture & Media, PhD Accepted via E-mail on 10 Feb 2009 O 11 Feb 2009
I am working on the assumption that those three are the class at Brown MCM. Brown-English is the Providence option I've had genuine hope for, though -- another case of having a recommender who knows profs in the department (fat lot of good that's done me at other schools, though). Very weird that NYU MCC is notifying wait list people first -- classically that's the last decision schools make.
I am not looking at that site again until tomorrow. I am not looking at that site again until tomorrow. I am not looking at that site again until tomorrow. |
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| the state I am in, or, desperation is the devil's work |
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| 11:24am 18/02/2009 |
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As you may know, I got back into Davis. This is a happiness. This means that my rest-of-lifetime floor is living in a pleasant little town an hour and a half train ride from America's Best City for about five years and then adjuncting. I could get behind this. This is much better than having to get over academia, cause, uh, academia? crazy fun. crazy, fun.
The Davis thing is keeping me from entirely panicking. Nevertheless, I've still got residual Insane Ambition (yes, I know that this is a Problem and that I will have to get over it sooner or later).
Anyway. I've been predicting for weeks that this particular week, the week that "accepteds" start showing up on gradcafe in earnest, as I was saying I've been predicting for weeks that I'd be a total nervous wreck this particular week.
and, uh, yeah. The particularly gross thing is that generally schools call or email people they've accepted, but send rejections by postal mail. Which, even though most schools don't decide all in one batch, still means that I fully expect to be receiving a rejection letter next week from every school that doesn't call me this week.
If you live in Providence? And you're on an admissions committee? Gimme a call, 'kay? plz? I swear, I'm exactly your kinda weirdo... |
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| meme meme me me me |
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| 10:09am 09/02/2009 |
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via ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) revme
1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.
I got J! Hooray!
1. Jenny Ondioline -- Stereolab. Downloadable here.
Because I don't care if the fascists have to win.
2. Jimmy -- M.I.A. Here. Or here, for the original.. Or here, for the time I tried to break livejournal with both.
3. Joga -- Bjork. Here. It's the most prettiest song ever recorded. I want this song to make song babies with:
4. Jocko Homo -- DEVO this, which is also the most prettiest song ever recorded.
5. Jet Age -- Ladytron. Here. I've fallen into a routine where I listen to this album every time I travel by air. Of course you do. |
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| to mail.app, then to NYU-Steinhardt |
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| 01:14pm 03/02/2009 |
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to Mail.app: NO, mail from NYU-Steinhardt is NEVER EVER JUNK MAIL don't do that to me.
to NYU-Steinhardt: I am glad you received my application, but the notification mail you sent almost gave me a heart attack. |
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| Conversation with kid at 826 about the thing he was drawing |
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| 09:06pm 27/01/2009 |
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Kid: And this guy is the SPACE BOUNTY HUNTER, you don't want to mess with him.
Me: Uh-huh... and what are his powers?
Kid: He's got a laser... and a net...
Me: Nets aren't scary...
Kid: He uses it to catch these snakes.
Me: But those snakes are gigantic. It needs to be a cool type of net, like, one that has little machines at each edge that eat whatever they're attached to and turn it into more net.
Kid: Okay, whatever. Also he's got poison... and psychic powers, like telekinesis.
Me: Okay, I guess that's getting better.
[A little later]
Kid: Do you know why the alien bounty hunter is scary?
Me: Well... there's the lasers... the net... the poison.
Kid: Yeah... but the scariest thing is... the farts |
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| In which Ben succumbs to the long-repressed urge to meme |
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| 12:41pm 26/01/2009 |
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Via both limnrix and revme, so if there's unanticipated demand I think I might be on the hook for ten people.
The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.
This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1) I make no guarantees that you will like what I make;
2) It'll be done this year;
3) You have no clue what it's going to be. It could be anything. But it will probably be a painting, a drawing, or a mix CD made of stuff from Archie McPhee's, because those are things I do live next to.
4) I reserve the right to make something extremely odd.
The catch? The catch is that you incur a moral obligation to repost and follow through. I can has gift economy? |
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| [reposted from muh facebook] |
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| 09:08am 26/01/2009 |
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So, for people who don't know this: I like european board games, as do a bunch of the other people tagged in this note. Sometimes we have board game events! Given that for the first time in my life I have an apartment big enough to invite people over to, and also given that board game events are fun, I was thinking possibly to try to set one of those up at my place this coming Saturday afternoon (the 31st). Would people be into this particular sort of nerdery?
This is mainly posted here to get Elmer's attention: I don't know how to get in touch with Nick -- do you know if he / other people from that group would be interested, and if so how I should contact him/them?
(side note to Bellingham people: Will be planning future events -- if there are days where you can/will be in Seattle and would like to play board games, send me a note.)
Hooray! |
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| UC Davis confirms application complete |
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| 10:44am 23/01/2009 |
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Hooray for safety!
(it seems to be process-Ben's-application day at schools across the nation... I love that they all have for ridiculously early deadlines, but don't get around to having admissions committee meetings until mid-January...) |
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| So, how's about a month of jumpiness and insomnia? Thanks, I'd love that! |
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| 08:35am 23/01/2009 |
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Dear Ben,
Thank you for applying for admission to Brown University Graduate School. We are reviewing applications and will soon prepare decision letters. Offers of admission will be sent via postal mail. Responses to offers of admission must be postmarked no later than April 15, 2009.
If you applied to multiple programs, you will receive a decision for each program. Please note that you can only matriculate into one program. If you accept an offer, any and all remaining Brown Graduate School offers are withdrawn.
Thank you for your interest in the Brown University Graduate School.
With best wishes,
Dean Sheila Bonde and the Admissions Staff
Graduate School
Brown University |
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| Homemade joke |
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| 02:50pm 11/01/2009 |
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So there's this pretty popular bar in town, but the weird thing is that the bartender has kind of bad eyesight. He doesn't get glasses, because maybe it's a weird point of pride for him. Anyway, so a string living in this town knows that strings aren't allowed in the bars, but he figures if he goes to this one when he knows the myopic bartender is working, he might be able to get service.
So, he goes in and orders a drink. The bartender leans over the bar, squints, squints some more, then goes "Hey, you're a STRING, aren't you?"
String goes "... yeah... I guess I am...," and the bartender replies "Well, you should know we don't serve strings in this establishment. Get out of here!"
So the string is pretty dejected, but he has an idea. He'll go back when it's really busy, and maybe the bartender won't have time to squint at him and recognize him for a string. So the next Friday, he goes in at around 11. The place is packed, so he goes up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender leans over, squints again, and goes "Hey, you're that damn string, aren't you? Get the hell out of here!"
The string leaves the bar completely crushed. The next morning he buys a Greyhound ticket, and then that night, in a fleabag motel hundreds of miles from anyone who knows him and even farther from anywhere strings are welcome, he blows his brains out.
A few days later a horse walks into the bar. The bartender can tell there's something wrong, but he's not sure what. He leans over the bar, squints, tries to focus, squints some more, and says "Hey, you're that STRING who keeps trying to come in here, aren't you?"
The horse replies: "No, I'm afraid not." |
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| Japan explosion dream, or, Increment the Godzillion!, or, Oh, Kaneda! |
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| 10:12am 09/01/2009 |
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mood: Bjork music: How Scandinavian of me...
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I feel like I can't do this one justice writing it up, since most of the reason this one was so memorable was tied up in how visually rich/dense/detailed it was, and I'm bad at describing. But, here goes:
Dream starts with me getting on a flight between a smallish Japanese city and Tokyo. I'm on a business trip of some sort. Shortly after takeoff there's a bright flash and bang and the pilot announces that the town we had just left had been blown up by a nuclear weapon. Everyone, including me, seems to take this news fairly calmly. I'm a little anxious, though, since even though it's unclear who might have been responsible for the attacks, I'm convinced that it's the U.S.'s doing.
Everyone seems to immediately know that this is just the first of a chain of attacks, and that Tokyo itself is going to be the next city to be hit. Nevertheless, the flight is going to continue as previously planned. Everyone calmly and level-headedly works out the way by which they'll get out of town as quickly as possible as soon as the plane lands. I couldn't understand Japanese in the dream, but IIRC conversations in Japanese were subtitled for me.
We get to Tokyo, where I wander around admiring the airport for a little while. Everyone is moving quickly, but deliberately and with a total lack of panic. It's a normal airport scene. Instead of rushing anywhere in particular, I note where the taxis are and wander around inside a bit, specifically enjoying looking at the signage in the airport. Everything is in Latin characters, in English, which doesn't strike me as odd. What's interesting to me are the fonts, which seem very much like alternate-reality versions of fonts like Helvetica and Frutiger -- clean and straightforward, even nondescript, but a very slightly different kind of nondescript.
A large, friendly, bearded Westerner comes up to me and asks if I need a taxi. I say that I do, he says that he drives one, and we mosey out of the airport talking about how unfortunate it is that Tokyo is going to get destroyed and wondering how awkward it'll be if the Americans are behind the attacks. When we get to the taxi stand, he says "hey, let me show you something funny," and leads me over to a large half-full shuttle van. "Most of the cabs are empty, so these folks could be out of here right now. But instead, they're just waiting on the shuttle, waiting for it to fill up, since it's more efficient to have more people in a vehicle. Japanese people are crazy!"
Suddenly I realize I don't have my luggage. "Hey, do you mind if I head back in and get my stuff?" I ask. "That's no problem, we've got time. Let me show you a shortcut, though." He directs me away from the main doors and to a large window, which he slides open and climbs through. I follow him. We're down in the baggage claim area -- we wait a while, my luggage comes out, I get it and we climb back out the window. As we leave I bump the window with my suitcase and knock it off its track. We leave it hanging ajar, since, as the taxi driver points out, this will all be blown up soon anyway.
We get in the cab and on the highway. Since he doesn't turn on the meter, I consider asking him what the fare is, but then decide that it's reasonable, given the circumstances, to just pay what he asks.
"Hey, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to take a quick detour to pick up my sister. She lives here, too," the driver says.
"That's alright," I reply. He starts driving faster; as he accelerates, the outside world looks less and less real and more and more blurry/distorted, and then eventually starts looking rotoscoped, almost exactly like the driving sequences in the Linklater Scanner Darkly. We drive past a series of freeway signs that refer to the impending nuclear attack, signs reading things like "NOW LEAVING ZONE OF TOTAL DESTRUCTION" and then "75% CASUALTIES IN THIS ZONE." Going well over 100 mph we drive past a sign marked "MASSIVELY INCREASED CHANCE OF MELANOMAS AND OTHER CANCERS."
"She's in this zone, but we don't have time to pick her up! I'm just going to stay on the freeway!" the driver shouts, and floors it. As we pass 140 mph there's a massive flash and bang behind us; the sound getting progressively louder, the car moving progressively faster, I wake up. |
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| Number of coherent thoughts today: |
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| 06:40pm 05/01/2009 |
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Two. Maybe.
I've decided to look on days that I completely, utterly waste as being in a certain sense a good thing. The feeling they produce is so annoying that I'm more or less forced to be a useful, non-waste-of-meat, semi-non-reprehensible human being type the day after. |
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